I still catch myself doing it. Making things light. Not wanting to tell someone something because they will be uncomfortable (and that makes me uncomfortable). Wanting to happify things (make them happy even if they aren’t). Hello, my name is Jill and I’m a recovering people pleaser.
Mindfulness is helping me to notice when I go into that pattern and I’m seeing some of my personality traits might be rooted in pleasing people.
It’s ok if people are uncomfortable. People don’t have to like everything or you all the time. It’s ok to let people have their reactions and emotions. I don’t have to fix them or shift them.
My friend told me the other day something she heard, “People pleasing is dishonest – you’re not being honest with them and you’re not being honest to yourself”.
Yessss. It you don’t want to do something but you say yes to it anyway, you’re not having a good time and they either think you are (a lie) or they know you’re not and then it’s just awkward.
For me, I’d rather someone tell me no if they really don’t want to do something.
People can feel the energy that you’re just saying, doing or acting like you think that’s what they want. It feels weird. So really nobody’s getting pleased anyway.
I can still be kind and not do things out of a need to please people. I can sit with discomfort. And I can let them do that too.